Working rules

1. If your boss keeps repeating the phrase "This is just for a little while," it’s safe to assume that this "temporary" assignment will be a part of your workload permanently.

2. The shorter the message, the more trouble that you’re in. "Call me as soon as you get in" is bad. "See me" is really bad.

3. Never trust anyone who uses exclamation points in email correspondence: "This is great! I really appreciate your working on getting this going! I look forward to working with you on this project!"

4. Every office has two women who sit together and hang out together, and can be perfectly defined as "The Two Biddies."

5. If Biddy #1 happens to be away from her desk, and you ask Biddy #2 if she knows where Biddy #1 might be, Biddy #2 will give you a hateful, menacing glare and hiss, "How should I know?"

6. There are a lot of idiots in your office, but the guy who recommends to coworkers that they read Who Moved My Cheese? is the most definitely office idiot #1.

7. Even if you’ve been told by numerous reliable sources, do not ever ask a coworker if she is pregnant. Wait until she tells you.

8. If you do make the mistake of asking this question to a woman that is not pregnant, don’t even try to apologize. Just keep your mouth shut and walk away. There is nothing you can say, not then or in the future, that will repair the relationship. This not-pregnant woman is going to hate you forever.